We understand how this time of change can provoke a wide range of emotions, from anxiety to excitement, nervousness to hope. We have gathered some hints and tips to help you and your young person navigate the transition from primary to secondary school.
How to spot the early warning signs your young person is struggling with the transition:
- Frustration
- Resistance/school avoidance
- Rebellious behaviours
- Withdrawal
Communicate – Keep talking; this can be verbal, via text, whatever works best for you and your young person. Be reassuring and continue to be present. Offer comfort, either verbally or through hugs. Don’t just listen, but hear young person.
Be calm – Your young person might go through a range of emotions from highs to lows, self-centeredness, anger, blame – it’s really important that you stay calm. Be their anchor.
Keep other areas consistent – Parenting, support in and out of school, friends, recreational time, home life. Providing stability in other areas of your young person’s life is vital in helping them move through transitions confidently.
Create routines – Setting consistent and reliable routines. Although it may not always seem like it, young people crave predictability and consistency. They help them thrive e.g., bedtime and morning routines, preparing and eating meals together, after school activities/hobbies/homework and even chores together. Having a predictable structure in place can be reassuring and helpful even for older kids (and adults!).
Preview and count down – Along with routines, previewing and countdowns can be helpful. E.g. In the morning you might lay out what the day is going to look like. You can include time frames, descriptions of what will happen, countdowns. It can help them to feel emotionally prepared.
Visual cues – Some young people may benefit from visual cues. Being able to point to a chart with drawings/calendars of what to expect from a transition or the steps involved. A visual cue of the steps taken/to take getting closer to the transition
Get their attention – it’s important to make a connection with the young person, spend time talking to them, create safe space so they can share their worries and concerns. Listen and validate their feelings. Perhaps work through each worry/concern and look at problem solving strategies. Let them lead on this, to help them build confidence but provide support an advice.
Use rewards – These can be things like stickers, snacks, or a point system that leads to tangible rewards. Schools and parents alike can implement reward systems.
Implement appropriate consequences – If a transition is not going well, pay less attention to it rather than escalating the situation, especially if the young person is trying. Review the steps towards the transition, talk about their worries and concerns and create appropriate boundaries.
Praise good transitioning – Don’t lose those opportunities to be enthusiastic and say, “this was so great, it went so smoothly, I really liked how you ……” Be specific in your praise and follow up with a reward when appropriate. With the right support, young people can learn to go through change without resistance or fear.
Make time for fun – Be silly, embarrassing, make jokes, laugh together, make time together outside – provide light relief.
- What transitions have I experienced and how did they make me feel?
- What types of support have I needed in the past?
- What will this transition mean for me, my young person, and our family?
- How can I communicate these changes?
- What questions might my young person have?
- Can I create opportunities for them to share their thoughts, feelings, and opinions?
- How can I make this transition as clear, easy, and fun as possible?
- Is my approach developmentally appropriate?
- Are there special circumstances that I need to be aware of or consider?
- How can I maintain predictability and consistency even as things change?
- What current routines does my family use? Are they successful? What could change?
Do not underestimate the importance of preparation and ‘trouble shooting’ for transitions. Consider what you can do to help them prepare – create a tool kit together.
Remind them: Change and transitions happen all around us every day.
Remind them: The benefits of change/transitions but listen to their concerns and validate their feelings.
Give them choice and autonomy where possible.
Where possible, keep all other areas consistent and predictable.
Remember to also look out for yourself during this time of change! Talk/offload to a close friend or family member, make sure you allocate time to yourself, meet your own needs such as sleep, exercise or relaxation, eating well. Remember – tomorrow is a new day.
